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Two 15-year-old attackers who savagely beat Department of Government Efficiency staffer Edward "Big Balls" Coristine dodged jail time Tuesday in a Washington, D.C., juvenile court.
The boy from Hyattsville, Maryland, received 12 months' probation and strict house arrest.
The girl, also from Hyattsville, got nine months' probation and placement in a local youth shelter — far short of her lawyer's plea for just 4½ months.
Prosecutors detailed the Aug. 3 horror near the White House: A gang terrorized streets, shouting, "Let me get your car! Let me get your car!"
Coristine stayed outside to protect another victim, who locked himself inside.
The teens pummeled him bloody, leaving his face a mangled mess.
Only these two faced charges, despite multiple assailants.
The judge emphasized the juvenile court's mission to rehabilitate, not punish.
She ordered the teens to avoid contact and limit D.C. visits to school, jobs, or family.
"I hope the teenagers learn from their probationary period," she declared.
Coristine, joining via web conference, issued a measured statement: "I hope you can figure things out and be ready for the consequences."
He thanked D.C. police and the courts.
This assault ignited Trump's federal crackdown.
On Truth Social in August, the President warned: "If D.C. doesn’t get its act together, and quickly, we will have no choice but to take Federal control of the City, and run this City how it should be run, and put criminals on notice that they’re not going to get away with it anymore."
National Guard troops and federal agents flooded D.C. from multiple states.
Trump's emergency order expired in September, but Guardsmen remain deployed.
Coristine's nickname? A high school jest he kept on LinkedIn for laughs: "People on LinkedIn take themselves super seriously, and they’re pretty averse to risk, and I was like, ‘Well, I want to be neither of those things.’ So I just, I set it and honestly, I didn’t think anybody would notice."
This was a racist verdict by a racist judge.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) October 15, 2025
The simple test to apply is if the races has been reversed, the White kids would be in prison.
Equal justice for all! https://t.co/F8gZ8D3dg0
Our nation's capital, once a beacon of law and order, now reeks of Soros-funded chaos where teenage thugs pummel patriots and waltz free on probation.
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