Amid a season of defiant downward spirals and crashouts from fallen public intellectuals, the most disappointing new addition to this clown class is deputy FBI director Dan Bongino.

The former U.S. Secret Service member, who built a substantial following as an outspoken MAGA voice on The Dan Bongino Show, received an enormous amount of goodwill and hope when President Donald Trump announced Bongino’s appointment in February. 

At the time, the goodwill seemed warranted. As a commentator, Bongino had a reputation for asking hard-hitting questions with a trademark no-BS attitude. Prior to 2025, those comments included questioning the circumstances of alleged “financier” Jeffrey Epstein’s death, claiming Epstein was an intelligence asset to powers in the Middle East, and calling out the corporate press for ignoring key aspects of this suspicious story. 

“I’ve told this story a thousand times,” Bongino previously said, referring to allegations that Bill Clinton had accompanied Epstein on a plane with girls who appeared to be minors. “And it’s amazing how, because it’s The Dan Bongino Show, where we’ve been right about just about everything, everyone in the media ignores it, even though this source is still out there! Anyone can talk to him!” 

Smash cut to 2025, when this MAGA bulldog suddenly lost interest and began singing a different tune. 

"He killed himself. I’ve seen the whole file, he killed himself,” he said in a now famously disastrous interview with Fox News' Maria Bartiromo on May 18. Bongino was parroting the claims of FBI Director Kash Patel.

"As someone who has worked as a public defender, as a prosecutor who's been in that prison system, who's been in the Metropolitan Detention Center, who's been in segregated housing, you know a suicide when you see one, and that's what that was," said Patel, who added that anyone who disagreed has "a right to their opinion."

Subsequent attempts at damage control following these claims, which received widespread backlash from Trump supporters, have served no purpose but to dig this disingenuous hole deeper and wider. 

“Always speak the truth, and you’ll never be burdened by the pressure of having to remember your web of lies,” Bongino said in the midst of the backlash — a desperate attempt to insist on his transparency which also backfired. 

A few days later, perhaps in response to the recognition that no one was buying his line of bull, Bongino unleashed a rambling X post that said a lot but revealed little.

Now, in a further attempt to agree with his recent self while contradicting his former self, Bongino’s claims about Epstein are becoming crumbier, weirder and more perplexing. 

“I just want to be crystal clear on this. I am not asking anyone to believe me. I’m telling you what’s there and what isn’t,” Bongino said during a Fox News interview on Thursday morning. “There is nothing in the file at this point on the Epstein case, and there is going to be a disclosure on this coming shortly. We are working through some — there is video ”

This seems newsworthy. You see, for years I’ve been under the impression (an impression, dear reader, you may share) that two cameras outside Epstein’s cell at the Metropolitan Correctional Center (MCC)  malfunctioned on the night of his death due to technical issues like disk failures. Is Bongino saying there’s video that proves he killed himself?

“No, no, not the actual act, but the entire MCC [Metropolitan Correctional Center] bay. It was only one camera. There’s video that, when you look at the video — and we will release it—that’s what’s taken a while,” Bongino said. “We are working on cleaning it up to make sure you have an enhanced, and we’re going to give the original so you don’t think there were any shenanigans.”

“You’re going to see there’s no one there but him,” he added. “There’s no DNA, there’s no audio, there’s no fingerprints, there’s no suspects, there’s no accomplices, there’s no tips, there is nothing. If you have it, I’m happy to see it. There’s video clear as day. He’s the only person in there, and the only person coming out. You can see it.” 

I’m sorry — what? Some videos are missing (oops), there’s no video of Epstein killing himself, but there was “one camera” and a video, which needs “cleaning” but is also “clear as day,” that shows there was no one there but him?

And if this foolishness isn't enough to impeach Bongino as a humiliated fraud, just bear in mind that he'd like anyone with information to hand it over to the FBI, who'd be "happy to see it."

Bongino’s previous attempts to help us make sense of how he suddenly got his mind right were desperate, but this latest explanation is nothing short of pathetic — not to mention incoherent. Even if this alleged video does makes its way to the public, too much good faith has been squandered. With AI video generation hitting an astonishing peak in recent days, there’s no reason to take any video at face value — especially one that’s meant to directly contradict the most viral meme of modern times. 

The more Bongino talks, the more skepticism he stirs. And as this cloud of skepticism expands, we’re getting a more complete sense of what we’re in for regarding Epstein: nothing. We’ll never know what happened, we’ll never know exactly whose special interests he was serving (though we can intelligently deduce), and no one will be held accountable for related crimes. 

Consider this your Black Pill for the month of May.